Eternal Spirit...

Today's blog entry is not strictly Reiki-related, but it did have a huge impact on my spirituality which ultimately opened my mind to the world of traditional practices and beliefs, and led directly to my personal discovery and embrace of Reiki.

Despite my relatively strict Roman Catholic upbringing, in the interest of complete honesty, I have to say that my faith used to be tested from time to time, particularly when I was trying to wrap my mind around the concept of eternal life. Since I spent much of the early part of my life unaware of the need to keep my mind, body and spirit all healthy and energetically balanced, I was seldom successful in experiencing anything which might confirm my belief (or not) in an existence other than the physical life I was currently experiencing.

I had always desperately wanted to believe, and in retrospect, have had many glimpses of experiences that could only have come from prior incarnations, but I was hung up on a mindset built completely on logic and proof which constantly derailed my journey to enlightenment.

I was always fascinated by metaphysical stories and occurrences, and had witnessed firsthand while other sensitive people experienced things which had no physical explanation. But never having had such an experience myself...the lingering doubt was always there. People very close to me enjoyed some powerful interactions on the spiritual level...my late wife Paula and my mom Anna were two of the most psychically sensitive people I've ever met...but I had never had that breakthrough moment myself, and at times, it was difficult to go just on faith. In future blog entries I'll relate some of the amazing psychic adventures that my mother and my late wife experienced...stories that need to be preserved if for no other reason than family history to help our progeny understand who these people are that keep talking to them in their minds!

But let's get back to my own life-changing experience...the one that removed any and all doubt from my mind about the reality of eternal spiritual life...

Paula and I had been married for just shy of 25 years before her life was cut short by cancer. It was a particularly nasty progression of disease which started in her lungs, but it was ultimately the metastasis to her brain that did the most damage. She was ill for nearly two years, and for most of the second year, she was not herself. Her persona and spirit had been evicted by the cancer cells in her brain and she usually did not even recognize her own family, including me, her husband and primary caregiver. She often feared us and felt that aliens had killed us and put our bodies upstairs where her legs couldn't take her, and that we were alien impersonations of our physical likenesses, bent on doing her harm. When Hospice staff would visit the house, she would always implore them to search upstairs for our bodies, and if I answered a telephone call, she would scream in the background to try to get the attention of the person on the phone to send help.

When her disease robbed her of her mobility and she became quadriplegic, she could not process the situation and was sure I had imprisoned her by tying her to the bed, although she was not tied - she just could no longer move her limbs. It was obviously an extremely difficult time for my daughters and I, but we persevered for her as we knew without a shadow of a doubt she would have done for any of us, and kept her as comfortable, safe and loved as we possibly could until she passed. She was a wonderful and very loving wife and mother and deserved nothing less.

Several months after Paula passed, I was really struggling, not only with my own grief, but with being thrust into single parenthood for two young ladies, our daughters Paula and Liz. Although they were young adults when they lived through the tragedy of their mom's illness (22 and 17 when their mom was diagnosed), it seemed to be an especially difficult time for them to lose her. Their grandmothers had both already passed and they really had no maternal figure left in the family to go to that could understand "girl things". Eventually they both wound up hospitalized for severe physical manifestations of the emotional trauma they had suffered. It was a challenge that I found very difficult to try to fill this role for them and ease their pain while dealing with my own...how different all of our lives could have been if I had known Reiki then! On a side note, I recently learned from ICRT licensed teacher Carolyn Musial that it is possible to send distance Reiki to the past to help with healing and this seems to be the perfect circumstance for such a practice.

Anyway...we were coming up on Paula's first birthday since she passed and I wasn't sure how to deal with it. I had been going on and off to a widow/widower's support group at our local Hospice (where I have since become a regular volunteer offering Reiki sessions to patients, caregivers, and bereaved family members). I mentioned my concern over Paula's birthday, and a woman in the group gave me a suggestion that I thought sounded wonderful. She said that I should write Paula a letter and then go to the cemetery, attach it to a big bunch of helium balloons, and send it to her in Heaven. This just resonated as the right thing to do on so many levels...I love the cemetery...I find it so peaceful and calming...not in any strange way - I know that our remains are not our spirits...but it's still a very centering place for me and I find it very comforting to sit there and meditate. I even take my guitar there sometimes...the crowd is well behaved and doesn't complain about it when my singing wanders off key!

So I did as my friend suggested. I wrote a letter to Paula. I did not share the contents with ANYONE - not even our daughters. It was between Paula and I. Just writing it was a step towards healing, and after sealing it in the envelope and watching it drift skyward and out of sight...it was a good feeling.

I thought that was it - that it had been a good healing exercise, had served its' purpose, and I put it out of my mind.

Well...about ten months later, I was visiting the very special spiritualist community in Lily Dale, NY, which is home to scores of registered mediums and is a well known hot spot for communication with those in spirit. It was a spur of the moment trip. No appointments were made ahead of time...no registrations or anything like that. No one in Lily Dale knew who I was, where I was from, or anything about me.

In Lily Dale during the summer season, many of the registered mediums simply put sign-up sheets on their front porches where you can walk by and reserve a time for a reading. While walking up and down the streets checking the sign-up sheets looking for a medium with a free time slot, I was drawn to the office of a medium named Peggy Rogers. I looked at her sign-up sheet and there was a slot open at 3:30 that afternoon so I simply wrote down on the sheet "Bob" and went off to do some other sightseeing for a few hours until the time for my session arrived.

When I got back to Peggy Rogers' place for my appointment, she invited me into her reading room and we sat across from each other. No words were spoken at all for at least a full five minutes while Peggy simply gazed at me and I wondered what this was going to be liked. Then she started speaking...her first words were, and I quote EXACTLY:

"Paula got your letter, and the answer to both questions is yes."

After this...I was just blown away. Peggy went on with the rest of the 30 minute reading and brought many wonderful and clear connections to me during it...my mom and my dad both visited during the session and their presence was unmistakable. This woman knew NOTHING about me other than that my name was Bob, and I had NEVER shared the contents of the personal note I wrote and released to Paula with ANYONE. It also had no identifying markings or addresses or last names at all, and the cemetery I released it from, in Menands NY, was a good 250 miles east of Lily Dale.

How do I know this was real...

Start with the simple stuff...Paula is not that common a name for a medium to just pull "out of the air", and how would she know I sent Paula a letter?

Even getting past that...to the truly amazing part that has given me an iron clad concrete belief in eternal spiritual life that will never be shaken...

In the letter I released to Paula, after I told her I missed her and hoped she was out of pain and enjoying her time with all of our family in Heaven (we have lots), I closed the letter with TWO QUESTIONS...things that I needed resolved to give me closure and help me heal my grief and move forward with life.

Remember I mentioned how the brain mets had taken away her sanity for most of her last year? Even though I knew I was doing everything humanly possible to care for her, she did not have the mental capacity left in her physical body to realize it. Since she had been unable in life to tell me she knew, I still struggled with it, so I asked her outright in the letter: "Do you know that I did absolutely everything I could to take care of you until you died?"

And I also mentioned that I had been having a hard time filling the role of "mom" to our daughters. Hence the second question I asked Paula in the letter: "Am I doing things right taking care of the girls?"

You have no idea what it meant for her to tell me through Peggy Rogers: "The answer to both questions is YES."

Just for today, be kind to all creatures.

Bob McGrath
Master Practitioner/Teacher
Pathways to Harmony